My Booboos (part 1)

JOJO

This is a page that I decided to set up for friends/sisters (some whose bdays I forgot). Obviously, I was eaten up by guilt or love or friendship, and decided to come up with the worst form of PDA possible to simply embarass u girls. The truth is that I consider you all as my sisters, and wanted to wish you a wonderful Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.


1) Jojo. Sassy. Jojess. U know I heart u. Your bday is in Jan so I haven't forgotten your bday...yet. Just kidding!!! I just felt like posting this picture of us, that's all (I don't walk around sniffing sheets).

2) Sistur sistur, I can so be myself around u, and thats why I can get away with mistake (maybe). Sorry I forgot about your bday... but u know I yove yu Neye.Looking fwd to your big day!!!

Supreme Trio!!! Sume, hello. Le Bof on dit koi? I haven't forgiven you girls for going to to Rio de Janeiro without me, but I'm sure we can work sthg out. We've been friends since secondary school, and if there's anyone I can run to it's you. Can't wait to see u girls in t minus 24h.  


KAKA Brizzle!!! You know I can't forget you nah. You're ma boooooooooooooooooooo!

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So there are about 5 other pictures I need to add but the truth is I'm exhausted so what I'll do is continue some other time. That doesn t mean that I love them any less.
Remember, God gave us little angels in the form of sisters, to watch over us. May God bless us all during this season!!!

OB...G Y N

From one woman to another, we are special!!! Anatomically speaking that is. But the truth is OB/GYN has never been my thing. I prayed for my rotation to end from the first day. And lets not talk about the first delivery I assisted. I had sworn to never have sex. Delivering babies...not for me! Yet I could not run away. The unfortunate (or fortunate depending on how you see it) thing about being a General Practitioner aka GP in da house, is that you get to do EVERYTHING. Even sticking your hand in strangers' vaginas!
How many times have I wanted to defer genital exams. I'd stare round the room looking for a valid excuse, but when you're dealing with vaginal complaints, not doing an exam is medical malpractice. I just needed to make myself a reason. So I focused on the anatomy. Truth is I had shun away from vaginal exams so much during my cores that I wasn't even sure what to feel for. I mean, it was easy like ABC; all you had to do was stick your finger in there (uurrgh), but really, what was I looking for? So I had to read up! Labia majora, vagina, cervix- long, short, effaced, closed, 4cm dilated, posterior. At first, all the same to me. But the more I examined the better I got.
But let's not get carried away. I can't forget that night when I was on call. The nurse came to fetch me to meet the woman in labour. Honestly, I'd known that the day would come when I would be alone in a situation like this. God had already warned me: I had delivered a placenta, not the baby. This time, it was the real deal: a huge belly and a handful of nurses looking up to me. Somehow I had to live up to their expectations so I started with what I was good at: the genital exam.
Cervix was posterior, 60o/o effaced and 4cm dilated, but because she was primiparous I wasn't expecting her to birth anytime soon. I guess God decided to have mercy on me (and on her of course) because I had hardly worn gloves when I was already maneuvering the baby out of the vagina. When the baby was out and I had clipped off her umbilical cord I got this amazing feeling that I've never had before. Man, my first delivery!!! I was in heaven like for real. Too bad, the feeling didn't last as I remembered that I wasn't done. As I sashayed my arm around the genital tract I realized that I barely knew the owner. Also that I'd been right all along: OB/GYN wasn't for me. But since I get to do little bit of everything as a GP, why not enjoy this opportunity until I start a residency? Till this day, I've done several other genital exams and deliveries.

Have your eyes wandered...

October 18th 2012. I got my text from Our Daily Bread (ODB)-and it read...What has God done for me lately? Hmmm indeed catchy!!! So I couldnt hold my curiosity. The passage was from Matthew 20:1-16 and it goes on about some guy who decided to help a few young men by giving them a job. He hired them for a day, but at different times of the day. Obviously, when the day ended it was time for some well-deserved cheddar. Those who were hired last were called in first and got their pay. Finally, the first guys got their turn, and because they had worked longer than everyone else expected their pay to better. I mean think about it, if you work your ass off isnt the expectation to get greater results?
To their greatest disappointment (and injustice, they might have added), their pay was 1 silver coin or denarius, like the others. Now thats just cold! Grumbling. Gruntling.
I am a firm defender of fairness, and in all sincerity, I might have done just the same. However, the guys response to one of his dissatisfied workers made me ponder:
“I am not being unfair to you, friend. Didn’t you agree to work for a denarius? Take your pay and go. I want to give the one who was hired last the same as I gave you.  Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?’
Till today I wonder why Jesus taught with parables... because truth is sometimes, I dont get it. But then I realise why the case might be. Perhaps he wanted us to think. He could have just made his point, but instead he told a story you could relate to, and left you to your own conclusion...so you could think about it. Thats just awesome except that some of us still dont get it, and thats why reliable sources like ODB  are needed to break it down.
Anyway, what I learnt at the end was pretty basic: be content with what God gives you, and stop comparing with others. The silver coin (which probably represented a lot) became insignificant the minute these workers focused on what their mates were getting. What God gives He does freely and generously so we ought to be mostly grateful rather than grumble over what He gave others, and not us.

Ups and downs

I've never understood the concept of a journal, you know writing down every bit of event or feelings. Probably because I don't have the attention span for that. But the truth is that it takes a lot of guts to do that. Recounting the frustrations, jealousy, envy that you've felt. Admitting that you are not fulfilled in your relationships (or lack of) and that sometimes, you are not good as you seem can be really shitty.
Maybe that is why I hate going on facebook lately. Everyone is so happy...unlike me. Its either a new job, spouse, baby or a new life. Either way, its a new and good something, and its worth flaunting it in others faces. Facebook. The book of faces. Different faces. The good, the bad, the ugly!!!
But honestly, am I really whining? A few months ago, that was me. The glitz, the glamour, the happy me. Then, I lived on facebook. 
When I was a child I wanted to grow up. Now that I am grown up I look back. This life is not easy, and this you appreciate when you are broke, sick, addicted, heartbroken, berieved, abandonned, cheated or discriminated upon. Yes, sometimes when you are happy too, but usually you are busy riding on your cloud 9.
Personally, 2012 has not been my year. There have been some moments of elation, but grossly, it's been gloomy. I don't remember the last time I had this many obstacles in my life. I dont know; it's just crazy! But really, what keeps me going is a number of things:
Firstly, life is made of ups and downs. A rough topography...with steep hills and valleys. We can only ride so high. Yet we learn to pick up the pieces. And prepare our ascent from the deepest pit. So I know things will get better.
Secondly, I write down events and feelings too. Its called blogging; it may not be as OCD as having a journal, but it definitely keeps me from blowing up. Admitting my problems is a bit like cleaning up the attic every so often. It makes you breatheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Plus, I'd rather do it myself than someone else, don't you think?

Ketoderm my friend

I noticed that parts of my face itched real bad. It didnt mean much the first week, but there went another week then another, and it truely began bothering me. Then my face was literally on fire. I mean, it felt like someone was pouring acid on my face especially when I washed my face with soap. So best believe, I stopped washing my face with soap. And stopped looking at my face in the mirror. I looked crazy.
Then the doctor sense kicked in. What the heck was on my face? First, I had this crazy idea that it was this condition I'd learnt about in school, Seborrheic dermatitis. It fit the criteria- nasolabial folds and forehead affected, desquamation and intense itching-except that it was simply impossible for me to have a rash this gross. So that was quickly ruled out.
Then I thought it was an allergy to...I dont know, soap, lotion, something I was obviously torturing my face with? Possible... except I'd been using the same cosmetics for over 3 months, and never had an issue before so why now? No freaking idea so I just threw out the soap, the lotion and whatever I could think of. I got deep moisturizing cream. Dry skin was probably also in the mix so why not give it a bit of loving? I got soap with glycerin. I was about to pamper my skin to the max.
But things only got worse. My face, my money-maker, que passo? I was looking like a zombie more and more. But then I remembered I had a book of dermatology full of pictures. I just had to take a look.
I saw all sorts of things. Eczema. Duh. Of course, it was atopic (allergic) eczema. I do have allergies (seasonal and shellfish) after all so it made sense. I continued perusing through the pictures though. Acne. A bit late for that, but the rash looked very similar too. Its like the more rashes I saw the longer the list of differential diagnosis got. Oh lawd, my face!!! I was going to close the book when I hit my main man, Seborrheic dermatitis. And once again, I was grossed out. But what the heck, I was desperate. I looked up the treatment, and thats how I pulled out my ketoderm cream. Boy did my skin feel cool that night. 3 days later, my skin is beginning to look presentable and I still don't know if it was SD or seasonal allergies. 

NB-Please, do not look up pictures of Seborrheic dermatitis

New GP on the block

There's a first day of school... then comes what most adults dream of -a first day of work (real work; what you went to school for; your trade; your M.O).

This day, infamous as is, was nowhere near in sight for me. I'd simply planned to match into a residency for 3 years, then do a fellowship for another 2-3 years. By the time I was done, I'd be in my early 30s, ready then to pop babies; 3-4 in succession, then who knows maybe get breast lifts, then start living the life!!!

But I soon woke up from this dream. There wasn't going to be a residency. At least, not this year. And sometimes, all it takes is for 1 thing to go "wrong" and nothing else is the same. For everything to change, it only took 1 day!!!

 So on my first day of work, I walked into the doctor's lounge, unwrapped my white coat, long like never before. And when I wore it, it was possibly the best feeling I'd felt since 2007 when I matriculated in medical school. I was no longer petrified. No longer insignificant. I was Dr. Tedga, the new GP on the block!!!

And although I knew it'd be a tough start, I had confidence in my training and in my competency. Most of all, I had confidence in my God. Gracious father, it was solely your will for things to unfold the way they have thus far, and I submit completely to your doing. I am afterall, everything you set out for me to be. And for what is yet to come, specialization amongst other things, I put into your hands as well. To God be the glory.

The Power of Forgiveness

"So if you are about to offer your gift to God at the altar and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar, go at once and make peace with your brother, and then come back and offer your gift to God" Matthew 5:23-24


You know what they say: Pride comes before a fall.


And pride comes before holding back <<I'm sorry>>


I've often found myself intrigued by the word S-O-R-R-Y. It's like saying <<I love you>> only a bit harder...yet so soothing to the soul. It has the capacity to cure the most burnt hearts...in such little time. It's like a tender caress to the hardest ego. 


I have learnt to apologize. I have learnt to say sorry and mean it. Because at the end, it makes me a better and happier person.


I am sorry, my dear friend, for not listening. I am sorry for not giving you the chance to get through. I am sorry for not being sorry until now. I hope that you can forgive me...

Medicine Without Frontiers

I just talked to a pregnant lady (that I like very much). She said she's feeling very tired lately, and I asked if she was taking Iron. To me, obviously a rhetorical question as she was 5 months pregnant. Who in their right mind wouldn't take Iron while pregnant? I mean, even 3rd world hospitals can afford to give this information to patients!!!
But when she answered, I proceeded to question her further, and that's when I realized she wasn't on Iron. She wasn't even on Folate, a vitamin important for the proper formation of the fetus' spinal cord amongst other parts of the body. In fact, she was on NOTHING!!! Didn't get an ultrasound, didn't have any tests done. Wasn't followed by a gynecologist.

I looked at the young lady, trying to understand what could cause such negligence. And I got SO MAD! Yes, mad...when I thought of her unborn baby. How could a mother be so negligent? I was having flashes of pictures of children with spinal malformations-spina bifida, meningoceles, etc, all of these so easily prevented by pregnant women taking Folate vitamins. And that's the least we can do for our kids because when they're born looking like aliens then the implications are everlasting. And yes, I got even madder when I thought about the things that I now knew; what about the things I didn't? Do you even watch what you eat? Drink? Have you stopped drinking alcohol? Madddeeeerrrrrr!

But then I decided to breathe, then looked again at the young lady. Needless to say she was feeling uneasy because her answer to all my questions so far had been no.
"You have to watch over your baby. Whatever you eat it eats. Whatever you drink it drinks. Your blood is its blood because everything it gets comes from you"I needed her to realize that her fetus was defenceless, and needed much more than being carried around in an immobile sack. I needed her to realize that she must take her vitamins and visit a gynecologist as soon as possible.

She was very receptive, and after leaving, I was left with the same question: what could cause such negligence? Could it be ignorance? Having stopped school at an early age, I knew this was plausible. Could it be lack of means to afford health care? Or could it be simply our culture (Cameroon) where we go see a doctor only when things are out of control?
I think it was a combination of all these, and I realized that I shouldn't have been quick to judge her like I did.

God in me

You're so fly, you're so high
Everybody 'round you trying to figure out why
You're so cool, you win all the time
Everywhere you go, man you get a lot of shine

You draw like a magnet, better yet I have it
Everything you wear people say they gotta have it
From the sweat suit to the white tee to the Gucci
You can probably say people wanna get like me

But what they don't know is when you go home
And get behind closed doors, man you hit the floor
And what they can't see is you're on you're knees
So the next time you get it just tell 'em

It's the God in me, it's the God in me
It's the God in me, it's the God in me
It's the God in me

You think I'm so fresh, you think I'm so clean
You think I'm so sweet
It's the God in me, it's the God in me
It's the God in me

You see her style, you think she nice
You look at her whip, you say the whip tight
You look at her crib, you thinking she's paid
You look at her life, you think she's got it made

But everything she's got, the girl's been given
She call it a blessing but you call it living
When it come to money she can be a hero
She writes them checks with a whole lot of zeros

But what you don't know is when she get home
And get behind closed doors, man she hit the floor
And what you can't see is she on her knees
And if you ask her she'll tell you

What is it you think you see when you see me, you see me?
You don't know how much I pray
Don't know how much I gave, don't know how much I changed
I'm just tryna explain

It's the God in me, it's the God in me
It's the God in me, it's the God in me
It's the God in me

You think I'm so fresh, you think I'm so clean
You think I'm so sweet
It's the God in me

Song - GOD IN ME by MARY MARY

African Hospitality

Jan 25, 2012

I looked outside the oval window, and the clouds were gone. Instead I saw land, and lots of it. Spans of wilderness. I was exhausted. With the timezone swapping, I had no idea how long I'd been in this seat. I did know however,that my butt hurt, and that I was suffering from restless leg syndrome. The automated voice came as a relief. It said to prepare for landing...in three different languages! International travel, always so intriguing.

So I braced myself for the worse, and as always, said a little prayer. And five min later, the Lord had answered my prayer. We were safe...on ground...at Addis Ababa. We all clapped for the pilots who had diligently done their job.Then it got me thinking... about Customs. Traditions. One's culture. What is it that makes us us? I am African; how do I show it?

As soon as I boarded off the plane, the hot air kissed me, and I knew at once that I had to change out of my winter clothes. I walked to the ladies' restroom, which wasn't much bigger than 5 cubicles put together. The line almost reaching Timbuktu; I had to improvise. So I opened my carry-on, took out a dress, and looked for a nook where I could fit to handle my business. Alas, there were women everywhere. With veils around their faces. Oh God, wasn't I about to be judged...for stripping in a public space? And the longer I stood the hotter I got. To grab the bull by the horns or not to? Another heat wave grabbed me, and I knew I couldn't be the bull anymore.

With my dress in hand, I stood besides the sink, and began removing my clothes as fast as I could. I didn't doubt that astonishment filled the room, because I could feel it. But I knew better than looking up lest there was a medusa waiting to turn me into stone.Surely this must have been unacceptable to these conservative ladies, but I couldn't stop now. Suddenly I felt darkness closing in, and you can believe I got  ready to uppercut somebody. But that's when I realized that I wasn't so far off from the door, and the ladies were shielding me from outside where an ambitious onlooker could have easily hit the jackpot. These women were merely trying to protect my integrity. And also fix my dress for me.

This is what we call African Hospitality! Complete strangers who take you as their own...despite the differences. I had forgotten about that. And even unusual acts like clapping on an aircraft for a job well done had hardly jilted my memory. I needed unknown women to treat me like their own daughters to remember that I was part of a people rich in culture, caring and loving and highly regardful for one another. African Hospitality is feeling at home amongst strangers, feeling loved by everyone. African Hospitality is being accepted regardless of your skin color, religion or affiliation. African Hospitality in short, is Africa, and her children epitomized.

Consider this your invitation to the Continent of Africa.

PS. pics coming up soon

Yours truly,

Dr Tedga

Gloomy Days Ahead??? Part Deux

Everything I did was a success so why ever consider failure? I never considered not matching an option...until it happened. 


Rewind to Monday, March 12th. I wasn't stressing; I knew it was in the bag! In fact, all I had to do was check my email, and post on facebook a few seconds later. I'd already played it in my mind. So  I opened the annoyingly complex AUC webmail, and without blinking once my eyes stumbled directly on "we're sorry. you did not match" So I stared at defiance in the eyes. Smiled. Goliath vs Goliath. I can take this!!! 3 seconds later, I knew I was the weak one. In surrender, I texted Neye the bad news. Announcement = acknowledgement; I was realizing there was no turning back. The burn was irreversible. And only to frown further when I read her reply.
God has a way of doing things. He won't give you a load that's too heavy to bear. There's no way I could handle being the only one who didn't get a placement. Funny how she and I always had similar grades in class and we'd been partners-in-badluck with lack of interviews and all the like so if there was anyone to go through this ordeal with (not that I wanted to extend my ill luck to anyone), it was her.


In spite of everything, I kept cool. Deep down, I was beginning to feel the annoying truth catch up with  me: I've never failed a single course in my life. Instead I'd gotten away with skipping classes, procrastinating to study and partying on the day before my exams. Winning!!! I had cruised through Basic Sciences like it was nothing. And with Honors. Dropped the ball once in a while, but came out with a bang despite everything. Killed Step One, killed Step Two, killed what ever you felt like throwing at me. CS gave me a bit of a scare, but I killed that too. Bi-winning!!! I felt untouchable because all I did was win, win, win. 
Never once did I consider the possibility of not matching. After all, I'd had a near-perfect course through med school; it certainly wasn't at the final stop that I'd get stuck. Unfortunately for me, God had other plans. You see, God has the final say in every thing we do, and when we don't include him in our plans we cross him. My arrogance has led me to rely on my track record, and not on God, who had blessed me with all the success. And what does God do? He strikes you where you are most vulnerable-my precious little career. What better way to get your full attention!!!


But how can one recover from a pretty bad burn like this one? "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11
-->By God's grace, you will recover...in due course.


But why do I have suffer this bad? "But after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who calls you to share his eternal glory in union with Christ, will himself perfect you and give you firmness, strength and a sure foundation" 1 Peter 5:10. 
-->Because when we suffer, we cry unto God and his grace is made perfect in us as He rescues us. We'll have ups and downs for sure, but we can relax during hardships because we know God will grant us a better outcome.


Not getting placed into a Residency program hurts real bad. But I know God has a plan for me, and I trust him with every ounce of life in my being. I get sad sometimes, but mostly I'm grateful for my life. I have a place to stay (a palace matter-of-factly), food to eat, my loving family around me and most of all, no loans to pay back thank you Jesus!!! I also learnt a valuable lesson of humility. Everything we are and own is solely because of God. All the glory and praises belong to him.

When I grow up...

Just like every kid, I had my own share of "when I grow up I want to be..."Over the years, I flip-flopped the so-called perfect job descriptions. First, I wanted to be an air hostess. I was fortunate enough to travel at an early age, and I just fell in love with the men in uniforms aboard. They were in control. Maintained the peace, and were so soothing to me. What about the glam? Traveling across the world for a living? The next thing better than that was owning the bloody aircraft so I could travel whenever and have my own personal crew (smiley face). And they were gorgeous!!! Of course, I didn't start flirting until I was a full blown teenager. By then, I was an expert at squeezing out extra favors-champagne, wine and chocolate. So much for my dream job.

Then I wanted to be a journalist...just like my father. I loved writing, investigating and surely, I had the personality for it. So after graduating from HS I decided to be a journalist (note that my major had absolutely nothing to do with it). My poor mom obviously offered her support once again. What else could she do? Thing is I really saw myself as a journalist. I loved the fame and charisma that came with it. But we all know that apart for the rare 5% who make it as anchormen, journalists are mostly broke. But I didn't care. Actually scored a job at Radio TBC, a local station in my hometown, Yaounde. It was 2 blocks away from my house and I had my own show called Eclipse. BAM!!!

Called up my dad as any excited girl would to share the news. I really wanted him to be proud of me. "See, I'm taking after you, dad" That wasn't the case unfortunately. His reaction was such a let-down. However, today I know that he was only protecting me from the reality. And we don't always know it, but our parents want what's best for us (well, unless they're on crack or sthg). I know this because 10 years later, here I am exactly what he wanted me to be...Dr. Tedga. And I'm super pumped!!!


To be continued...

Looking back...

I found this poem the other day. I wrote it in 2007 when I was having issues getting to AUC in St Maarten. I ended up missing the semester because I couldn't make the deadline. Obviously, it was a dark period for me, but now that I'm done it seems like it's been an eternity.

"i am going to Medical School" so i've said with a boastful tone. human nature. forgetful. ungrateful. not reliable.
mine has been a long journey. i've walked thru the shadows of the dead and of the living; i've laughed and cried; i've hoped and despaired. But most of all, i've prayed a whole lot in my lifetime.
He never failed me...
i had everything. i had nothing; He provided. i succeeded. i failed; He picked me up. i was happy. i was depressed; He gave me friends and life.
He never failed me...
we were friends. bestfriends. twins. never parted. He was my all and all, my Lord, my Savior. something happened. i chose vanity so we stopped talking. i got cocky. self-sufficient: "i AM going to Medical School" 
i thought i could do it w/out him. i'd forgotten all what he'd done for me.
time went by and things began going bad: no post-grad offers, trouble getting the visa and daddy not so proud. some self-sufficient brat i turned out!
now am trying to go back. i need my friend now. my best friend forever. w/out him am inadequate. i've learnt my lesson; i've repented and asked for forgiveness.
GOD Willing, I am going to Medical School. He owns my life and my plans. I propose. He disposes. I ask. He gives. am needy. He's wealthy. 
AM INADEQUATE AND NEED HIM.

Cupecoy Beach, 5min walk from campus

Deuces,
Dr Tedga