Have your eyes wandered...

October 18th 2012. I got my text from Our Daily Bread (ODB)-and it read...What has God done for me lately? Hmmm indeed catchy!!! So I couldnt hold my curiosity. The passage was from Matthew 20:1-16 and it goes on about some guy who decided to help a few young men by giving them a job. He hired them for a day, but at different times of the day. Obviously, when the day ended it was time for some well-deserved cheddar. Those who were hired last were called in first and got their pay. Finally, the first guys got their turn, and because they had worked longer than everyone else expected their pay to better. I mean think about it, if you work your ass off isnt the expectation to get greater results?
To their greatest disappointment (and injustice, they might have added), their pay was 1 silver coin or denarius, like the others. Now thats just cold! Grumbling. Gruntling.
I am a firm defender of fairness, and in all sincerity, I might have done just the same. However, the guys response to one of his dissatisfied workers made me ponder:
“I am not being unfair to you, friend. Didn’t you agree to work for a denarius? Take your pay and go. I want to give the one who was hired last the same as I gave you.  Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?’
Till today I wonder why Jesus taught with parables... because truth is sometimes, I dont get it. But then I realise why the case might be. Perhaps he wanted us to think. He could have just made his point, but instead he told a story you could relate to, and left you to your own conclusion...so you could think about it. Thats just awesome except that some of us still dont get it, and thats why reliable sources like ODB  are needed to break it down.
Anyway, what I learnt at the end was pretty basic: be content with what God gives you, and stop comparing with others. The silver coin (which probably represented a lot) became insignificant the minute these workers focused on what their mates were getting. What God gives He does freely and generously so we ought to be mostly grateful rather than grumble over what He gave others, and not us.

Ups and downs

I've never understood the concept of a journal, you know writing down every bit of event or feelings. Probably because I don't have the attention span for that. But the truth is that it takes a lot of guts to do that. Recounting the frustrations, jealousy, envy that you've felt. Admitting that you are not fulfilled in your relationships (or lack of) and that sometimes, you are not good as you seem can be really shitty.
Maybe that is why I hate going on facebook lately. Everyone is so happy...unlike me. Its either a new job, spouse, baby or a new life. Either way, its a new and good something, and its worth flaunting it in others faces. Facebook. The book of faces. Different faces. The good, the bad, the ugly!!!
But honestly, am I really whining? A few months ago, that was me. The glitz, the glamour, the happy me. Then, I lived on facebook. 
When I was a child I wanted to grow up. Now that I am grown up I look back. This life is not easy, and this you appreciate when you are broke, sick, addicted, heartbroken, berieved, abandonned, cheated or discriminated upon. Yes, sometimes when you are happy too, but usually you are busy riding on your cloud 9.
Personally, 2012 has not been my year. There have been some moments of elation, but grossly, it's been gloomy. I don't remember the last time I had this many obstacles in my life. I dont know; it's just crazy! But really, what keeps me going is a number of things:
Firstly, life is made of ups and downs. A rough topography...with steep hills and valleys. We can only ride so high. Yet we learn to pick up the pieces. And prepare our ascent from the deepest pit. So I know things will get better.
Secondly, I write down events and feelings too. Its called blogging; it may not be as OCD as having a journal, but it definitely keeps me from blowing up. Admitting my problems is a bit like cleaning up the attic every so often. It makes you breatheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Plus, I'd rather do it myself than someone else, don't you think?

Ketoderm my friend

I noticed that parts of my face itched real bad. It didnt mean much the first week, but there went another week then another, and it truely began bothering me. Then my face was literally on fire. I mean, it felt like someone was pouring acid on my face especially when I washed my face with soap. So best believe, I stopped washing my face with soap. And stopped looking at my face in the mirror. I looked crazy.
Then the doctor sense kicked in. What the heck was on my face? First, I had this crazy idea that it was this condition I'd learnt about in school, Seborrheic dermatitis. It fit the criteria- nasolabial folds and forehead affected, desquamation and intense itching-except that it was simply impossible for me to have a rash this gross. So that was quickly ruled out.
Then I thought it was an allergy to...I dont know, soap, lotion, something I was obviously torturing my face with? Possible... except I'd been using the same cosmetics for over 3 months, and never had an issue before so why now? No freaking idea so I just threw out the soap, the lotion and whatever I could think of. I got deep moisturizing cream. Dry skin was probably also in the mix so why not give it a bit of loving? I got soap with glycerin. I was about to pamper my skin to the max.
But things only got worse. My face, my money-maker, que passo? I was looking like a zombie more and more. But then I remembered I had a book of dermatology full of pictures. I just had to take a look.
I saw all sorts of things. Eczema. Duh. Of course, it was atopic (allergic) eczema. I do have allergies (seasonal and shellfish) after all so it made sense. I continued perusing through the pictures though. Acne. A bit late for that, but the rash looked very similar too. Its like the more rashes I saw the longer the list of differential diagnosis got. Oh lawd, my face!!! I was going to close the book when I hit my main man, Seborrheic dermatitis. And once again, I was grossed out. But what the heck, I was desperate. I looked up the treatment, and thats how I pulled out my ketoderm cream. Boy did my skin feel cool that night. 3 days later, my skin is beginning to look presentable and I still don't know if it was SD or seasonal allergies. 

NB-Please, do not look up pictures of Seborrheic dermatitis

New GP on the block

There's a first day of school... then comes what most adults dream of -a first day of work (real work; what you went to school for; your trade; your M.O).

This day, infamous as is, was nowhere near in sight for me. I'd simply planned to match into a residency for 3 years, then do a fellowship for another 2-3 years. By the time I was done, I'd be in my early 30s, ready then to pop babies; 3-4 in succession, then who knows maybe get breast lifts, then start living the life!!!

But I soon woke up from this dream. There wasn't going to be a residency. At least, not this year. And sometimes, all it takes is for 1 thing to go "wrong" and nothing else is the same. For everything to change, it only took 1 day!!!

 So on my first day of work, I walked into the doctor's lounge, unwrapped my white coat, long like never before. And when I wore it, it was possibly the best feeling I'd felt since 2007 when I matriculated in medical school. I was no longer petrified. No longer insignificant. I was Dr. Tedga, the new GP on the block!!!

And although I knew it'd be a tough start, I had confidence in my training and in my competency. Most of all, I had confidence in my God. Gracious father, it was solely your will for things to unfold the way they have thus far, and I submit completely to your doing. I am afterall, everything you set out for me to be. And for what is yet to come, specialization amongst other things, I put into your hands as well. To God be the glory.

The Power of Forgiveness

"So if you are about to offer your gift to God at the altar and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar, go at once and make peace with your brother, and then come back and offer your gift to God" Matthew 5:23-24


You know what they say: Pride comes before a fall.


And pride comes before holding back <<I'm sorry>>


I've often found myself intrigued by the word S-O-R-R-Y. It's like saying <<I love you>> only a bit harder...yet so soothing to the soul. It has the capacity to cure the most burnt hearts...in such little time. It's like a tender caress to the hardest ego. 


I have learnt to apologize. I have learnt to say sorry and mean it. Because at the end, it makes me a better and happier person.


I am sorry, my dear friend, for not listening. I am sorry for not giving you the chance to get through. I am sorry for not being sorry until now. I hope that you can forgive me...

Medicine Without Frontiers

I just talked to a pregnant lady (that I like very much). She said she's feeling very tired lately, and I asked if she was taking Iron. To me, obviously a rhetorical question as she was 5 months pregnant. Who in their right mind wouldn't take Iron while pregnant? I mean, even 3rd world hospitals can afford to give this information to patients!!!
But when she answered, I proceeded to question her further, and that's when I realized she wasn't on Iron. She wasn't even on Folate, a vitamin important for the proper formation of the fetus' spinal cord amongst other parts of the body. In fact, she was on NOTHING!!! Didn't get an ultrasound, didn't have any tests done. Wasn't followed by a gynecologist.

I looked at the young lady, trying to understand what could cause such negligence. And I got SO MAD! Yes, mad...when I thought of her unborn baby. How could a mother be so negligent? I was having flashes of pictures of children with spinal malformations-spina bifida, meningoceles, etc, all of these so easily prevented by pregnant women taking Folate vitamins. And that's the least we can do for our kids because when they're born looking like aliens then the implications are everlasting. And yes, I got even madder when I thought about the things that I now knew; what about the things I didn't? Do you even watch what you eat? Drink? Have you stopped drinking alcohol? Madddeeeerrrrrr!

But then I decided to breathe, then looked again at the young lady. Needless to say she was feeling uneasy because her answer to all my questions so far had been no.
"You have to watch over your baby. Whatever you eat it eats. Whatever you drink it drinks. Your blood is its blood because everything it gets comes from you"I needed her to realize that her fetus was defenceless, and needed much more than being carried around in an immobile sack. I needed her to realize that she must take her vitamins and visit a gynecologist as soon as possible.

She was very receptive, and after leaving, I was left with the same question: what could cause such negligence? Could it be ignorance? Having stopped school at an early age, I knew this was plausible. Could it be lack of means to afford health care? Or could it be simply our culture (Cameroon) where we go see a doctor only when things are out of control?
I think it was a combination of all these, and I realized that I shouldn't have been quick to judge her like I did.

God in me

You're so fly, you're so high
Everybody 'round you trying to figure out why
You're so cool, you win all the time
Everywhere you go, man you get a lot of shine

You draw like a magnet, better yet I have it
Everything you wear people say they gotta have it
From the sweat suit to the white tee to the Gucci
You can probably say people wanna get like me

But what they don't know is when you go home
And get behind closed doors, man you hit the floor
And what they can't see is you're on you're knees
So the next time you get it just tell 'em

It's the God in me, it's the God in me
It's the God in me, it's the God in me
It's the God in me

You think I'm so fresh, you think I'm so clean
You think I'm so sweet
It's the God in me, it's the God in me
It's the God in me

You see her style, you think she nice
You look at her whip, you say the whip tight
You look at her crib, you thinking she's paid
You look at her life, you think she's got it made

But everything she's got, the girl's been given
She call it a blessing but you call it living
When it come to money she can be a hero
She writes them checks with a whole lot of zeros

But what you don't know is when she get home
And get behind closed doors, man she hit the floor
And what you can't see is she on her knees
And if you ask her she'll tell you

What is it you think you see when you see me, you see me?
You don't know how much I pray
Don't know how much I gave, don't know how much I changed
I'm just tryna explain

It's the God in me, it's the God in me
It's the God in me, it's the God in me
It's the God in me

You think I'm so fresh, you think I'm so clean
You think I'm so sweet
It's the God in me

Song - GOD IN ME by MARY MARY