Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow...One day I'll make it out
However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my aim is to finish the race and complete the task... (Acts 20: 24)
When I opened my eyes this morning, it was dark. Very dark. Yet I knew it was time to wake up because my alarm had gone off...twice. I rolled my eyes and sighed. Still very tired. And when I regained all my reasoning faculties-yes, fully functional alas-it struck me that today was only Tuesday. Wait a minute, Tuesday!!! I rolled over again, denying reality its fate. Refusing to get up, I re-adjusted my posture. Ignoring the tic-toc, louder by the second.
Yet I knew it was a lost cause. I could only linger for so long. And so I got up! Made it to the morning lecture at the hospital, and for the first time in a long time, heard my body yearn for that poison. Where is the caffeine? Body dragging, mind lagging and speech slurring...my worse nightmare. Where is the caffeine?
I'm so close...yet so tired. The hardest thing I'm yet to have done is bear a child, but for now med school comes close. I'm never turning the hands of time. Yet it went by so fast. Am I missing four years of my life? There goes the soon-to-be grad, still feeling like a UMBC senior. It still hasn't hit me; maybe that's why I don't get it. But now, I need to finish this race; I need my wing-man. I need the strongest coffee you've got coz I can't be late for my Grand Finale!!!
End of med school: T minus 10 days...
You'll hear about the gruesome sieving process for med students. 1st, admission selections designed to favor only a pristine breed of the "survival of the fittest". Then an excruciating 2 years of classroom learning aka basic sciences (where Carib schools excel; thanks but no thanks for free tuition money, you didn't make the cut so we're kicking you out anyway). Honestly, American grads have it easy because their schools actually care about their "welfare"
In Carib schools, you're on your own! Not for the faint and weak-hearted! And if you took a good look at the guy to your right and left during your white coat ceremony, chances are those faces won't be there at your graduation. Heck, if you even make it to graduation.
Anyway, they added USMLE Step 1; then Step 2, which is now 2 separate exams-Clinical Knowledge (CK) and Clinical Sciences (CS), and then Step 3. As if the 2 year-Sahara of academia wasn't enough, you have to score Ninety-something percentiles on these board exams. Ok so forget the stress, what matters is someday, all of this will pay off. Right!!!
So in order to qualify for the 2012 Match, you must take CS by Dec 30th 2011. This is where things get interesting-there are only 5 exam locations : LA, Atl, the Chi, Philly and H-town. And how many med students are there again? This year in the US alone, about 18,000. Add another 10,000 or so from the Carib and the rest of the world. This means a 2-3 month waiting line to take that test.
Icing on the cake: CS results are reported in 3-month blocks so depending on your timing (as in mine), you may be waiting up to 3 months. I took my test in Philly late September, and I didn't feel confident about passing as I ran out of time. Despite the fact that the damn test cost me $1300 re-taking it was the least of my worries. Since there was no way of finding out until Dec 7th I only had till the 30th if God forbid, I had to re-take it. This obviously was extremely unlikely due to that waiting line. In order words, failing that test meant ruining my chances of getting a residency. So I got on my knees and I promised a few things if He answered my prayer.
Dec 7th came...lub dub lub dub (loud heart sounds). When I saw PASS on that screen, I jumped in the library like a crazy woman. God's love is truly an amazing thing to experience. So I've secured my place in the Match...although this doesn't mean I get a job. Whatevs; at least, I'm still in the running. Now, let's work on keeping some promises.
It always feels good to run into someone who follows my blog. Usually they have some good things to say (not that I can't handle criticism or anything like that). Who knows they might be withholding the not-so-nice things, but bottom line is it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
So I haven't blogged for almost a couple of months now. Although there was a bit of a writer's block going on that wasn't exactly the main reason for the inactivity. Truth is I have been pre-occupied with this whole residency application thing. In fact, last week I received a survey from my soon-to-be alma mater. Due to an ongoing transition to a new buyer, perhaps they saw it fit to seek our opinion vis-a-vis their services. I nonchalantly clicked my way through the online device, knowing that this would be the only way to get them off my back. And as I got to the final question which inquired how likely I was to recommend my school to someone else, my mind couldn't help but wonder...
4 hardworking years finally coming to an end yet my overall perspective gloomier than ever. After the final click on my ERAS application, I thought the gymnastics was over with. After all, getting those letters of recommendations had not been simple. Getting those Usmle scores mos def had not been easy. And the personal statement...the writing and re-writing and proof-reading...what a pain! I thought after undergoing this excruciating and extremely pricy process (yes, these applications aren't free) all I had to do was to sit back and relax. Watch the interviews fall in my lap? NOT!!! Instead I find myself 43 applications later almost bald from the stress of receiving massive rejection email. Ok can someone re-define a competitive candidate to me because I'm so confused right now? Whatever happened to having good Usmle scores? A bunch of my colleagues, all of them renowned 99ers yet barely getting any interviews. What is happening to our world today???
That's how I got to thinking. A few sleepless nights and then my lightbulb moment! Could it be that the perfect applicant is not only the American Grad but the guy without the Visa issue? I know this is already common knowledge; the difference is that contrary to popular belief, excellent scores can't rescue you anymore. This year, there's plenty of international applicants with near-perfect Usmle scores who are ripping their hair out of frustration; they aren't getting interviews. Ok I get it, we are in America so it makes sense to prioritize Americans. Fair enough. But the foreigners can't be completely be marginalized either because we work our asses off like everyone else. We got the same type of education (and may I say for almost twice the cost in undergrad) and I thought there was suppose to be a shortage of doctors anyway. So what's this really about? Is Homeland Security involved? Is this another means of "closing the border"?
Anyhoo, back to my interview issue. It's quite sad that things are taking a bad turn. Once upon a time, getting into med school and scoring high on the boards were adequate to obtain a residency. That's obviously not good enough nowadays. Add Green Card/Citizenship to the top of the list, and then we can start talking. Sounds like gloomy days ahead to me, but only time will tell I guess.
To be continued...
