When I grow up...

Just like every kid, I had my own share of "when I grow up I want to be..."Over the years, I flip-flopped the so-called perfect job descriptions. First, I wanted to be an air hostess. I was fortunate enough to travel at an early age, and I just fell in love with the men in uniforms aboard. They were in control. Maintained the peace, and were so soothing to me. What about the glam? Traveling across the world for a living? The next thing better than that was owning the bloody aircraft so I could travel whenever and have my own personal crew (smiley face). And they were gorgeous!!! Of course, I didn't start flirting until I was a full blown teenager. By then, I was an expert at squeezing out extra favors-champagne, wine and chocolate. So much for my dream job.

Then I wanted to be a journalist...just like my father. I loved writing, investigating and surely, I had the personality for it. So after graduating from HS I decided to be a journalist (note that my major had absolutely nothing to do with it). My poor mom obviously offered her support once again. What else could she do? Thing is I really saw myself as a journalist. I loved the fame and charisma that came with it. But we all know that apart for the rare 5% who make it as anchormen, journalists are mostly broke. But I didn't care. Actually scored a job at Radio TBC, a local station in my hometown, Yaounde. It was 2 blocks away from my house and I had my own show called Eclipse. BAM!!!

Called up my dad as any excited girl would to share the news. I really wanted him to be proud of me. "See, I'm taking after you, dad" That wasn't the case unfortunately. His reaction was such a let-down. However, today I know that he was only protecting me from the reality. And we don't always know it, but our parents want what's best for us (well, unless they're on crack or sthg). I know this because 10 years later, here I am exactly what he wanted me to be...Dr. Tedga. And I'm super pumped!!!


To be continued...

Looking back...

I found this poem the other day. I wrote it in 2007 when I was having issues getting to AUC in St Maarten. I ended up missing the semester because I couldn't make the deadline. Obviously, it was a dark period for me, but now that I'm done it seems like it's been an eternity.

"i am going to Medical School" so i've said with a boastful tone. human nature. forgetful. ungrateful. not reliable.
mine has been a long journey. i've walked thru the shadows of the dead and of the living; i've laughed and cried; i've hoped and despaired. But most of all, i've prayed a whole lot in my lifetime.
He never failed me...
i had everything. i had nothing; He provided. i succeeded. i failed; He picked me up. i was happy. i was depressed; He gave me friends and life.
He never failed me...
we were friends. bestfriends. twins. never parted. He was my all and all, my Lord, my Savior. something happened. i chose vanity so we stopped talking. i got cocky. self-sufficient: "i AM going to Medical School" 
i thought i could do it w/out him. i'd forgotten all what he'd done for me.
time went by and things began going bad: no post-grad offers, trouble getting the visa and daddy not so proud. some self-sufficient brat i turned out!
now am trying to go back. i need my friend now. my best friend forever. w/out him am inadequate. i've learnt my lesson; i've repented and asked for forgiveness.
GOD Willing, I am going to Medical School. He owns my life and my plans. I propose. He disposes. I ask. He gives. am needy. He's wealthy. 
AM INADEQUATE AND NEED HIM.

Cupecoy Beach, 5min walk from campus

Deuces,
Dr Tedga

The Grand Finale

However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my aim is to finish the race and complete the task... (Acts 20: 24)

When I opened my eyes this morning, it was dark. Very dark. Yet I knew it was time to wake up because my alarm had gone off...twice. I rolled my eyes and sighed. Still very tired. And when I regained all my reasoning faculties-yes, fully functional alas-it struck me that today was only Tuesday. Wait a minute, Tuesday!!! I rolled over again, denying reality its fate. Refusing to get up, I re-adjusted my posture. Ignoring the tic-toc, louder by the second.


Yet I knew it was a lost cause. I could only linger for so long. And so I got up! Made it to the morning lecture at the hospital, and for the first time in a long time, heard my body yearn for that poison. Where is the caffeine? Body dragging, mind lagging and speech slurring...my worse nightmare. Where is the caffeine?


I'm so close...yet so tired. The hardest thing I'm yet to have done is bear a child, but for now med school comes close. I'm never turning the hands of time. Yet it went by so fast. Am I missing four years of my life? There goes the soon-to-be grad, still feeling like a UMBC senior. It still hasn't hit me; maybe that's why I don't get it. But now, I need to finish this race; I need my wing-man. I need the strongest coffee you've got coz I can't be late for my Grand Finale!!! 




End of med school: T minus 10 days...

CS off my Chest

You'll hear about the gruesome sieving process for med students. 1st, admission selections designed to favor only a pristine breed of the "survival of the fittest". Then an excruciating 2 years of classroom learning aka basic sciences (where Carib schools excel; thanks but no thanks for free tuition money, you didn't make the cut so we're kicking you out anyway). Honestly, American grads have it easy because their schools actually care about their "welfare"


In Carib schools, you're on your own! Not for the faint and weak-hearted! And if you took a good look at the guy to your right and left during your white coat ceremony, chances are those faces won't be there at your graduation. Heck, if you even make it to graduation.


Anyway, they added USMLE Step 1; then Step 2, which is now 2 separate exams-Clinical Knowledge (CK) and Clinical Sciences (CS), and then Step 3. As if the 2 year-Sahara of academia wasn't enough, you have to score Ninety-something percentiles on these board exams. Ok so forget the stress, what matters is someday, all of this will pay off. Right!!! 

So in order to qualify for the 2012 Match, you must take CS by Dec 30th 2011. This is where things get interesting-there are only 5 exam locations : LA, Atl, the Chi, Philly and H-town. And how many med students are there again? This year in the US alone, about 18,000. Add another 10,000 or so from the Carib and the rest of the world. This means a 2-3 month waiting line to take that test. 


Icing on the cake: CS results are reported in 3-month blocks so depending on your timing (as in mine), you may be waiting up to 3 months. I took my test in Philly late September, and I didn't feel confident about passing as I ran out of time. Despite the fact that the damn test cost me $1300 re-taking it was the least of my worries. Since there was no way of finding out until Dec 7th I only had till the 30th if God forbid, I had to re-take it. This obviously was extremely unlikely due to that waiting line. In order words, failing that test meant ruining my chances of getting a residency. So I got on my knees and I promised a few things if He answered my prayer.

Dec 7th came...lub dub lub dub (loud heart sounds). When I saw PASS on that screen, I jumped in the library like a crazy woman. God's love is truly an amazing thing to experience. So I've secured my place in the Match...although this doesn't mean I get a job. Whatevs; at least, I'm still in the running. Now, let's work on keeping some promises. 

Gloomy days ahead??? Part Uno

It always feels good to run into someone who follows my blog. Usually they have some good things to say (not that I can't handle criticism or anything like that). Who knows they might be withholding the not-so-nice things, but bottom line is it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.


So I haven't blogged for almost a couple of months now. Although there was a bit of a writer's block going on that wasn't exactly the main reason for the inactivity. Truth is I have been pre-occupied with this whole residency application thing. In fact, last week I received a survey from my soon-to-be alma mater. Due to an ongoing transition to a new buyer, perhaps they saw it fit to seek our opinion vis-a-vis their services. I nonchalantly clicked my way through the online device, knowing that this would be the only way to get them off my back. And as I got to the final question which inquired how likely I was to recommend my school to someone else, my mind couldn't help but wonder...


4 hardworking years finally coming to an end yet my overall perspective gloomier than ever.  After the final click on my ERAS application, I thought the gymnastics was over with. After all, getting those letters of recommendations had not been simple. Getting those Usmle scores mos def had not been easy. And the personal statement...the writing and re-writing and proof-reading...what a pain! I thought after undergoing this excruciating and extremely pricy process (yes, these applications aren't free) all I had to do was to sit back and relax. Watch the interviews fall in my lap? NOT!!! Instead I find myself 43 applications later almost bald from the stress of receiving massive rejection email. Ok can someone re-define a competitive candidate to me because I'm so confused right now? Whatever happened to having good Usmle scores? A bunch of my colleagues, all of them renowned 99ers yet barely getting any interviews. What is happening to our world today???


That's how I got to thinking. A few sleepless nights and then my lightbulb moment! Could it be that the perfect applicant is not only the American Grad but the guy without the Visa issue? I know this is already common knowledge; the difference is that contrary to popular belief, excellent scores can't rescue you anymore. This year, there's plenty of international applicants with near-perfect Usmle scores who are ripping their hair out of frustration; they aren't getting interviews. Ok I get it, we are in America so it makes sense to prioritize Americans. Fair enough. But the foreigners can't be completely be marginalized either because we work our asses off like everyone else. We got the same type of education (and may I say for almost twice the cost in undergrad) and I thought there was suppose to be a shortage of doctors anyway. So what's this really about? Is Homeland Security involved? Is this another means of "closing the border"?


Anyhoo, back to my interview issue. It's quite sad that things are taking a bad turn. Once upon a time, getting into med school and scoring high on the boards were adequate to obtain a residency. That's obviously not good enough nowadays. Add Green Card/Citizenship to the top of the list, and then we can start talking. Sounds like gloomy days ahead to me, but only time will tell I guess. 


To be continued...

The Serena's and Blair Waldorf's

Show me your friends, and I'll tell you who you are!!! When we moved to the island of St Maarten, most of us didn't know what to expect. Will I make it there? Will I fit in? It was like being a teenager over again.


I left everything behind. Moved to this island. And as I was eager to embark on this soon-to-be rocky ride (which I didn't know at the time) I have to admit that nothing else crossed my mind. I was busy obsessing about my future courses and professors. So it's hard to imagine how things turned out. Within weeks I had a handful of close girlfriends. I was hanging out, invited to dinners and had a buzzing skype. 


It felt nice not to study all the time. To have someone to eat with. Swap outfits. Have girl talk. Someone to even help you through the drama. Yeah, we girls tend to have drama. And that's the way we're wired!


So naturally, we had the Serena's and Blair Waldorf's. Best friends. Yet rivals! Who thrived off each other; couldn't be without the other. Girls who fought then laughed. Hurt each other then somehow managed to mend one another. It sounds so pathological, but isn't this life???
Med school was no different in the adult playground. The same old players... with the same old needs. Dying to be accepted.


We may never understand what drives human feelings. Maybe that's why they're still here. We all want to be loved by someone. Sometimes we're picky- we want our friends to be the cutest. Or the richest. The smartest. And often we're not picky at all. Bottom line is those needs have to be met, and while we set out doing that the people we choose tend to reflect who we are. Show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are.


B EZ Breezy, My Covergirls...

BOOBS!!!

You love my breasts. He loves her breasts. They love our breasts. Even us love our breasts. It's always been a breast affair. Eve, Cleopatra, Esther and even our mothers. Breasts have ruled the world since the beginning of time.


Boobs. Tits. Tatas. Twins. Call them as you like, but breasts have empowered the female race. Enchanted alpha-males. And raised generations. The world needs mothers, daughters, sisters, wives. Accountants, lawyers, doctors, teachers and all of that. So save breasts!!!


Save the women with breast cancer. 1 out of 8 women in the US will develop invasive breast cancer in their lifetime. Perhaps more in other parts of the world. Let's find that 1 now! Let's make everyday October, and support our sisters (and brothers) touched by this cancer. We chant to their victory and march onto future successes. To this disease, we've lost a lot. And it's time to say ENOUGH!!!

Dedicated to all the brave women and their families who have or are fighting the good fight against breast cancer. I'm a 100% with you.